literature

music has and will continue to

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Literature Text

To be human is to share the world, and to do so, one must share himself. Some are uncomfortable doing so. I am one of those people. To allow people to know you, but to know nothing of your true self is to lie. That was the hardest thing for me to understand throughout high school. But I have grown as a person over the last year. I know who I am. Not only that, I have discovered how to express myself in a way that is more personal than an essay could ever be.
I imagine doors was half an hour ago. I imagine the stage: the five tall stools in a row, the five microphones, one in front of each, and the five of us, off stage to the right. John Gorka, who wrote the first song to ever make me cry because it was so beautiful, and had such an important life lesson.
Joni Mitchell, who brought me up through the ‘90s with songs like “Big Yellow Taxi”, “Free Man in Paris”, and “Court and Spark”. The woman who brings back so many back east all day drives, the smell of my mother, and the feeling that music is all you need, all you will ever need, in one syllable of her voice.
Bob Dylan, the awkward teenager of the hell-bent 1960s with too much insight for his own good. The one who led me to develop my political opinions, the simple

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wallflower way too view the world, and the belief that I, a silly 17 year old boy can change the world, with a simple song, no matter how my voice sounds.
Conor Oberst, drunk as usual, my own generation’s Bob Dylan. The only 15 year old I know who could throw together a life changing song without giving it more than a second thought. This belligerent, weary voiced boy who lit the way through the depression I have worked to overcome in the last year, and I am about to go on stage with him.
I imagine I am about to play on stage with these gods. Because I have found my voice, I have found the music inside of me, and inside of everyone. Music is how I have found to express myself. So maybe the dream of the five stools is a goal too high to aim for, but even that prize is nothing compared to the solace I have found in myself because of music. Any kind of music can be the most emotional sound in the world to me. Music can be your only friend when you feel like the only person in the world, alone and stupid. Music can bring people together on that perfect drive, with that perfect song, and “it’s all you need to feel infinite”.  
There are a few sides to my emotional outlet. The most prominent, yet not the most important one to me, is The Mourning Removed, the progressive metal-core band I play in. It’s ridiculous when one needs to classify something as eternal as music as “progressive metal-core” just so someone can know what kind of music it is, although this also proves the broadness of music in our culture. The stage with the hot lights, the guitar in my hands, my band mates and-more importantly-brothers standing around me, the crowd at our feet, the pounding double bass that drills holes in my center of gravity,
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as I pound my body back and fourth, hair flying, fingers working intently on muscle memory. And to look over at our other guitarist, Cody, to look him in the eye, and realize there is an eternal and inexplicable connection there is all I need to live for sometimes. Life can be as simple as that, in that one instant, with our vocalist hanging from the rafters, screaming his head off, and our bassist, John in his own world, where his body can move in any direction at any speed, and it does. And that is all it takes to be and feel alive. Music connects people like that. Music has brought me out into the world.
And sometimes, after this head-smashing ruckus of noise and passion, Cody and I head somewhere quiet, me toting my acoustic guitar, him with his electric and small practice amp, we go and make our own music. I’ll set up a rhythm, and he will come in with his own sweeping, tear-jerking lead. And we know where we’re going. And we know where we are not going. And there becomes more than a connection; we can read each other’s minds. But only music can bring two strangely opposite, but similar people together. Music has brought me my best friend.
Through late night, bed lamp lit sessions, I have worked and written, and played so long my fingers split open and I spend the next half hour cleaning the blood of the body and fret board of my guitar, only to move downstairs to continue composing on the piano. I have written songs for people I love, for people I hate, but mostly I write for myself. To have the entire house to myself is the ultimate advantage for my writing. If anyone were to look in the window while I am working, they would see staff paper flying, guitars strewn around the room, the piano on and still repeating the last recording, and me, sitting in the far corner, with a notebook on my lap, and a stack of staff paper
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beside me. They would see me run to a certain guitar, or sit down at the piano, turn on the tape recorder, and fumble through a new idea, just so it won’t be possible to forget the riff, because there will always come a song somewhere down the line it will fit. Perfection comes not through the cleanliness of the song, but through the match of tone of music, and mood of lyrics. How do you express joy without words? How do you express sadness without music? Both together make the greatest impact. This is how I work out my issues, how I handle joy without losing my head. And then the song is finished, after hours of work, I have a finished product to practice and practice. But it was the process not the product that helped me express myself. Its hard enough expressing myself to an empty room, to open up to a coffee shop where not only my friends, but people I have never seen before crowd around and wait and drink their four dollar drinks, and listen to my off key voice. Some, if not most, are not impressed. But that does not matter to me; these gigs are second priority, because music has brought me myself.
an essay for ap lit on "what defines you"
preparation for the college essayyys.

ehh.
© 2006 - 2024 RighteousPigPile
Comments4
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xXdarkshine's avatar
Beautiful! I love the reference to "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". such a great book.
And this was a great read. xo